The premise: To create an absolutely random short story in the shortest time possible.
Time start: 1:52 pm
The sweat was trickling down from his forehead, onto his brand new uniform. It was the middle of July and Bangalore was by no means, as hot as to make him sweat so. He decided not to go ahead with it and almost started walking back, but Gopal wanted none of it. He had been drunk with success from his previous conquest two weeks ago. Gopal goaded him on, threatening not to talk to him if he didnt muster up the courage and do what was necessary. He was now on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Gopal could never understand what he was going through. Gopal was the class captain, with extremely desirable athletic abilities. His aquiline physique made it possible for him to win, not only medals, but several aching hearts. He stared down at his stomach. It was not too bad, he thought, but it was not too good either. Obviously, the chocolate blitz in the holidays in Ooty had taken its toll. He was thinking about his mother who never encouraged the habit, and wished he had only had the good sense to listen to her.
Four boys in 4th standard C section had been successful last week. Each boy had taken it upon himself to go up to the girl he most 'liked' in the class and say "I really like you very much, would you like to be my girlfriend?" It was his turn today. If he chickened out, he knew that he would be out of the gang for good and that no shame would be worse than what he would face if he didn't go through with it. His palms had suddenly become sweaty, the tie that he had tied around his neck, suddenly seemed tighter and he felt short of breath. Had Gopal felt the same way, when he went up to Gayatri and uttered the magic words? He was sure that wasnt the case. How he wished he had that confidence. He started walking, taking smaller steps than he would usually take, always looking back to see Gopal and the others goading him on, cheering, whistling.
She was playing kho-kho and as always she managed to look perfect, even playing kho-kho in that dusty playground. The way her hair fell over her bright eyes was magical. Aditi was her name. She was the sports captain for the girl's kho-kho team and had sat next to him in 2nd standard. She was flawless even then. He thought that he would go up to her and say the words when she would take a break from the game, but Gopal's raised eyebrows and angry expression drove him to walk up, closer to her. He was now about 4 feet from her, when his view was blocked and he heard "Aditi, I like you very much, will you be my girlfriend?" from Keshav
Time done: 2:15 pm
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
An affair to remember - A short story
He asked her to go on without him to the 4th floor. He told her that he needed a smoke. She displayed just a hint of disappointment, but the smile from the side of his mouth made sure that she smiled back coquettishly. "I had a great time today", she said, looking very earnest as she said it. "Same here" he said, now smiling end-to-end, but unable to look as comfortable as he was in the morning. He hoped she didnt notice his uneasiness, but there were a sea of people walking into Office building 4, looking busy and occupied in general, noticing one's reactions would be hard in such an environment. Before she walked in, she waved to him and said "See ya", her dainty, perfectly proportionate hands holding his gaze, as he reached for the packet of Wills in his pocket.
He was nervous. He went to the back of the building for a smoke he so much desired and required. "It is nothing, you are just letting it influence you" was the thought that came to his usually rational mind. He lit up the cigarette and refreshed his memory. He tried to recollect the entire series of events. Nikita and he had planned on going out today. Over the last few days, their chemistry was undeniable and it was only a matter of time before one of them approached the other. The past week had been absolute madness in the office with an internal audit taking the whole place by storm. Both of them had spent long nights perched over their laptops, next to each other, the conversation frequently slipping from the quarterly budget to her recent divorce and the way she was coping with it, to his disconnect from his home surroundings. The audit ended on a Thursday, and Nikita, nonchalantly walked up to him and asked him whether he wanted to play truant from the office on Friday, and do something fun. He was immensely flattered, because someone as gorgeous and classy as Nikita wouldnt obviously ask any random man out on a date. He found himself nodding slightly in a desperate attempt to underplay the whole situation and saying yes.
They were scheduled to meet at the mall, located quite a distance away from the office and in the center of the city, to avoid any possible run-ins with co-workers. 11 was the time decided upon. They were planning to get some lunch at this Spanish restaurant that she was dying to go to and then catch the matinee. Both of them had to get back to the office after that, to tie up some loose ends. He was there on the dot at 11. She wasnt. He decided to wait up for her at the large bookstore in the mall. The mall was unusually crowded, even on a weekday. They were having an annual "All-store sale" and the place was filled with college-goers, office-goers and the odd retirement-home goers all looking for "the best brands at low prices". As he was flipping the pages of the latest Jim Collins book, he couldnt help but notice a young man wearing a bag and talking on the phone. The young man wearing the heavy backpack let it it drop near the children's book section and walked briskly out of the store saying "Oh, you are outside? Wait, Ill come and meet you." He then got lost in the management theories of Jim Collins and lingered on for another 20 minutes before Nikita turned up at 11:30. He told her to come into the store and she arrived there, looking beautiful as ever, complete with elegant semi-casual workwear and a very attractive looking bag. She was one to make heads turn, she was. She said "Hi, whats up? What are you doing here", he sheepishly held up the book and they approached the billing counter together. While she was talking about Girish, a painful lecherous senior at the office, he couldnt help but notice that the bag the young man had left near the children's section was still lying there. He thought he should tell her, but decided not to. The billing queue was short and he decided not to let it affect him "Spoilt kids, they are always leaving their things behind", he thought. After that Nikita and he disappeared into the much-touted Spanish restaurant at the mall, where the food was excellent, and the tab being in proportion with the number of oohs and aahs she let out as she was savouring the delicious food there. They then went for the matinee showing of the romantic comedy, "The Proposal", an otherwise forgettable movie, but made memorable because the company he had was excellent. Not only was she fun to talk to, but she was also extremely physical in her overtures. It had been a while since he had been this attracted to a woman like this and she being attracted to him. His mind had completely forgotten the backpack, when he thought he saw something strange. Nikita and he were walking past the bookstore on their way out at around 6:30 in the evening. The children's section of the bookstore was visible to him through the large glass display and he could have sworn that he saw the strap of the backpack from there. She was in a hurry. There was a weekly review meeting in 45 minutes, which she had to attend. She dragged him along to the parking lot, where he picked up his car and both of them left for the office. The backpack never left him feeling comfortable. He could hear the airport announcement playing in his head. "Please report any suspicious activity or suspicious baggage to the airport staff. Security is everyone's concern".
He now stood in outside Building 4 in the back, smoking, thinking about the contents of the bag. He was not sure whether he should report it, after all. It might just have been a college boy forgetting his books in a store. Books, he thought, for a collegian were quite forgettable as well. He also remembered that the mall had a metal detector placed at all entrances and bags were usually checked, but the crowd that day was quite an enormous one, had they checked this backpack? He had thoughts of reporting this incident to the cops, but feared that it might raise a few questions. What was he doing in that mall? with another woman? when his wife was at home? Both Nikita and he had called in sick to the office, and if they discovered that he they were in a mall, enjoying themselves, then it might cause some issues in the office. Not to mention at home. His wife would be crestfallen if she knew that he was in the proverbial "arms of another woman". As he was thinking of all this, his phone rang and his video con with a foreign client was scheduled to start in a few minutes and he was needed on the 7th floor. He went upto the 7th floor, switched off his phone and attended the vid-con. It was 7:30. He was done with the call by 11:30, drove straight home to find his wife sleeping. He washed up and went straight to bed, exhausted.
The next morning was when the expensive bone-china coffee mug crashed loudly to the floor causing it to break into several pieces. His wife came running, shocked, enquiring about what happened. He stood transfixed at the broken coffee mug and its brown contents spilling on to the carpet. She asked him what happened, to which he replied, "Nothing, it just slipped from my hand", entirely ignoring the fact that he was shaking with fear. She said, "Wait, Ill ask Mani to clean it up, my god the carpet is a mess and so are your pyjamas. Go in and put it for wash", irritably. He was looking for an exit strategy to get out of her presence, lest she smell a rat. He immediately walked quickly into his room, holding the coffee stained copy of the The Hindu with the headlines in the frontpage reading "20 dead in mall bomb blast"
He was nervous. He went to the back of the building for a smoke he so much desired and required. "It is nothing, you are just letting it influence you" was the thought that came to his usually rational mind. He lit up the cigarette and refreshed his memory. He tried to recollect the entire series of events. Nikita and he had planned on going out today. Over the last few days, their chemistry was undeniable and it was only a matter of time before one of them approached the other. The past week had been absolute madness in the office with an internal audit taking the whole place by storm. Both of them had spent long nights perched over their laptops, next to each other, the conversation frequently slipping from the quarterly budget to her recent divorce and the way she was coping with it, to his disconnect from his home surroundings. The audit ended on a Thursday, and Nikita, nonchalantly walked up to him and asked him whether he wanted to play truant from the office on Friday, and do something fun. He was immensely flattered, because someone as gorgeous and classy as Nikita wouldnt obviously ask any random man out on a date. He found himself nodding slightly in a desperate attempt to underplay the whole situation and saying yes.
They were scheduled to meet at the mall, located quite a distance away from the office and in the center of the city, to avoid any possible run-ins with co-workers. 11 was the time decided upon. They were planning to get some lunch at this Spanish restaurant that she was dying to go to and then catch the matinee. Both of them had to get back to the office after that, to tie up some loose ends. He was there on the dot at 11. She wasnt. He decided to wait up for her at the large bookstore in the mall. The mall was unusually crowded, even on a weekday. They were having an annual "All-store sale" and the place was filled with college-goers, office-goers and the odd retirement-home goers all looking for "the best brands at low prices". As he was flipping the pages of the latest Jim Collins book, he couldnt help but notice a young man wearing a bag and talking on the phone. The young man wearing the heavy backpack let it it drop near the children's book section and walked briskly out of the store saying "Oh, you are outside? Wait, Ill come and meet you." He then got lost in the management theories of Jim Collins and lingered on for another 20 minutes before Nikita turned up at 11:30. He told her to come into the store and she arrived there, looking beautiful as ever, complete with elegant semi-casual workwear and a very attractive looking bag. She was one to make heads turn, she was. She said "Hi, whats up? What are you doing here", he sheepishly held up the book and they approached the billing counter together. While she was talking about Girish, a painful lecherous senior at the office, he couldnt help but notice that the bag the young man had left near the children's section was still lying there. He thought he should tell her, but decided not to. The billing queue was short and he decided not to let it affect him "Spoilt kids, they are always leaving their things behind", he thought. After that Nikita and he disappeared into the much-touted Spanish restaurant at the mall, where the food was excellent, and the tab being in proportion with the number of oohs and aahs she let out as she was savouring the delicious food there. They then went for the matinee showing of the romantic comedy, "The Proposal", an otherwise forgettable movie, but made memorable because the company he had was excellent. Not only was she fun to talk to, but she was also extremely physical in her overtures. It had been a while since he had been this attracted to a woman like this and she being attracted to him. His mind had completely forgotten the backpack, when he thought he saw something strange. Nikita and he were walking past the bookstore on their way out at around 6:30 in the evening. The children's section of the bookstore was visible to him through the large glass display and he could have sworn that he saw the strap of the backpack from there. She was in a hurry. There was a weekly review meeting in 45 minutes, which she had to attend. She dragged him along to the parking lot, where he picked up his car and both of them left for the office. The backpack never left him feeling comfortable. He could hear the airport announcement playing in his head. "Please report any suspicious activity or suspicious baggage to the airport staff. Security is everyone's concern".
He now stood in outside Building 4 in the back, smoking, thinking about the contents of the bag. He was not sure whether he should report it, after all. It might just have been a college boy forgetting his books in a store. Books, he thought, for a collegian were quite forgettable as well. He also remembered that the mall had a metal detector placed at all entrances and bags were usually checked, but the crowd that day was quite an enormous one, had they checked this backpack? He had thoughts of reporting this incident to the cops, but feared that it might raise a few questions. What was he doing in that mall? with another woman? when his wife was at home? Both Nikita and he had called in sick to the office, and if they discovered that he they were in a mall, enjoying themselves, then it might cause some issues in the office. Not to mention at home. His wife would be crestfallen if she knew that he was in the proverbial "arms of another woman". As he was thinking of all this, his phone rang and his video con with a foreign client was scheduled to start in a few minutes and he was needed on the 7th floor. He went upto the 7th floor, switched off his phone and attended the vid-con. It was 7:30. He was done with the call by 11:30, drove straight home to find his wife sleeping. He washed up and went straight to bed, exhausted.
The next morning was when the expensive bone-china coffee mug crashed loudly to the floor causing it to break into several pieces. His wife came running, shocked, enquiring about what happened. He stood transfixed at the broken coffee mug and its brown contents spilling on to the carpet. She asked him what happened, to which he replied, "Nothing, it just slipped from my hand", entirely ignoring the fact that he was shaking with fear. She said, "Wait, Ill ask Mani to clean it up, my god the carpet is a mess and so are your pyjamas. Go in and put it for wash", irritably. He was looking for an exit strategy to get out of her presence, lest she smell a rat. He immediately walked quickly into his room, holding the coffee stained copy of the The Hindu with the headlines in the frontpage reading "20 dead in mall bomb blast"
Monday, August 10, 2009
Conference call characters
It is that time of the year, where I am constantly flooded with conference calls for various projects/important topics of discussion. As you would probably be aware, that conference calls are called "con-calls" in short. An apt name, as these calls are nothing short of a major con job. Con-calls, in my opinion are the ultimate corporate time-wasting tactic. Yesterday, I was sitting through a rather harrowing con-call involving several parties (whose names I cannot mention, and frankly dont care to) about a project which needed absolute and immediate attention, as its failure would result in major revenue loss for the company in question (cant mention, dont care to). Usually, I am the man who puts his phone on mute as some of the other speakers hammer away at the topic of discussion(refer to the Snoozers down below), at the end of which, on most occasions, no clarity is achieved. I always ensure that I carefully interject a question or a comment somewhere in between my meal and my sleep to ensure that my presence is felt, and my next bonus will be adequately padded for my "insightful" comments. Yesterday's call was quite different. I was the focal point and questions were being directed at me by all members of the "invisible brotherhood". As I rambled away deep into the night, I couldnt help but stereotype some of the members involved in the call. These are some of my "deep observations" on these characters:
1) The Not-So-Moderator: The Not-So-Moderator is the man leading the call, or the proverbial moderator. He/She is a person who is directly responsible for the project being discussed, but ironically having the least amount of knowledge about the very same. This person is usually the loudest and the most boring, and turns the meaning of the word "moderator" on its head. He is usually the man (or woman) with the smallest phallus, which has artificially been inflated with the use of words like "timeline", "closure", "convergence" and the like. You will frequently see this creature deliver a killer punch by saying, "I dont see why this has to take so long. It seems extremely simple", only to find that the activity in question is a huge, long-term task. Management usually rewards such people the most.
2) The One-Quote Inspirer: This is a character who is a man/woman of great dreams of ambition. This person aspires to be the Not-so-moderator, like anything. The One-quote-inspirer utters a statement of absolute positivity like, "dont worry Not-so-moderator, we are all with you on this", for which he/she is lauded no end. This person usually goes to sleep after the comment, because he/she has no more to add, and still felt his/her presence felt, as the voice of positivity in the sea of naysayers.
3) The Non-Committal KillJoy: Although, this person seems like a bore, he/she is a person who is incredibly interesting in an otherwise dull call. This person is usually the executive responsible for seeing the project to completion, failing which he/she would be disembowelled and fed to the pigs, to put it delicately. This person is picked on the most, because of his (it is usually always a man) Frankenstein-like power of speech (but not of conversation) and because he is not able to schmooze with the big boys. The characteristic trademark of this person is to ensure that no timelines for completion are given, ever. Timelines suggested by others are promptly shot down, because of reasons best known to him and some aliens in Jupiter. The reasons are usually on the lines of "approvals not available", "vendor not supporting", "several stakeholders are involved", etc. This person usually doesnt get busy with his spouse, because same non-committal attitude permeates into his personal life. The reasons given by this person are usually hilarious and he usually incurs the wrath of the Not-so-moderator immediately after the call.
5) The Minute Maid: This is the guy (and it is always a guy, as girls never take such lowly jobs) who prepares the minutes of the meeting. He doesnt understand a word, but he manages to just get his keyboard rolling around. His "minutes" are usually vague and more like "hours" or sometimes even "days", "months" or "years", in line with the spirit and outcome of the con-call in progress.
4) The Bad-Ass: The bad-ass is one who rarely opens his/her mouth, but whenever that mouth opens, it showers generously, negative energy and toxic waste on the Non-committal killjoy and sometimes, even the Not-so-moderator. The Bad-Ass is usually a senior (usually from another department) and he/she sees the participants like insignificant insects who will be crushed soon. He/She would retire to bed in a really comfortable apartment with mirrors everywhere, just in case. He/She usually nevers needs to open his/her mouth, the cold, malevolent stare can traverse phone lines and be in every other participant's face, except for...
5) The Snoozers: The snoozers are either top management or people who would quit in the next few months and set up a lucrative management consulting practice, where they would be paid way better for telling corporate clients to "involve more stakeholders in key meetings" and to bring in the concept of "synergy in diversity", a word which most management consultants use. The top management, on the other hand is never questioned. They are like the ears which nothing needs to fall upon. They usually put their phones on mute and have their secretaries give them a "personal conference" on the mahogany office table. They have lived past this phase of attending worthless con-calls and have arrived and exemplify the words of Eddy Temple (from the movie Layer Cake): "You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like."
I, for one, am happy being a snoozer. What character are you?
1) The Not-So-Moderator: The Not-So-Moderator is the man leading the call, or the proverbial moderator. He/She is a person who is directly responsible for the project being discussed, but ironically having the least amount of knowledge about the very same. This person is usually the loudest and the most boring, and turns the meaning of the word "moderator" on its head. He is usually the man (or woman) with the smallest phallus, which has artificially been inflated with the use of words like "timeline", "closure", "convergence" and the like. You will frequently see this creature deliver a killer punch by saying, "I dont see why this has to take so long. It seems extremely simple", only to find that the activity in question is a huge, long-term task. Management usually rewards such people the most.
2) The One-Quote Inspirer: This is a character who is a man/woman of great dreams of ambition. This person aspires to be the Not-so-moderator, like anything. The One-quote-inspirer utters a statement of absolute positivity like, "dont worry Not-so-moderator, we are all with you on this", for which he/she is lauded no end. This person usually goes to sleep after the comment, because he/she has no more to add, and still felt his/her presence felt, as the voice of positivity in the sea of naysayers.
3) The Non-Committal KillJoy: Although, this person seems like a bore, he/she is a person who is incredibly interesting in an otherwise dull call. This person is usually the executive responsible for seeing the project to completion, failing which he/she would be disembowelled and fed to the pigs, to put it delicately. This person is picked on the most, because of his (it is usually always a man) Frankenstein-like power of speech (but not of conversation) and because he is not able to schmooze with the big boys. The characteristic trademark of this person is to ensure that no timelines for completion are given, ever. Timelines suggested by others are promptly shot down, because of reasons best known to him and some aliens in Jupiter. The reasons are usually on the lines of "approvals not available", "vendor not supporting", "several stakeholders are involved", etc. This person usually doesnt get busy with his spouse, because same non-committal attitude permeates into his personal life. The reasons given by this person are usually hilarious and he usually incurs the wrath of the Not-so-moderator immediately after the call.
5) The Minute Maid: This is the guy (and it is always a guy, as girls never take such lowly jobs) who prepares the minutes of the meeting. He doesnt understand a word, but he manages to just get his keyboard rolling around. His "minutes" are usually vague and more like "hours" or sometimes even "days", "months" or "years", in line with the spirit and outcome of the con-call in progress.
4) The Bad-Ass: The bad-ass is one who rarely opens his/her mouth, but whenever that mouth opens, it showers generously, negative energy and toxic waste on the Non-committal killjoy and sometimes, even the Not-so-moderator. The Bad-Ass is usually a senior (usually from another department) and he/she sees the participants like insignificant insects who will be crushed soon. He/She would retire to bed in a really comfortable apartment with mirrors everywhere, just in case. He/She usually nevers needs to open his/her mouth, the cold, malevolent stare can traverse phone lines and be in every other participant's face, except for...
5) The Snoozers: The snoozers are either top management or people who would quit in the next few months and set up a lucrative management consulting practice, where they would be paid way better for telling corporate clients to "involve more stakeholders in key meetings" and to bring in the concept of "synergy in diversity", a word which most management consultants use. The top management, on the other hand is never questioned. They are like the ears which nothing needs to fall upon. They usually put their phones on mute and have their secretaries give them a "personal conference" on the mahogany office table. They have lived past this phase of attending worthless con-calls and have arrived and exemplify the words of Eddy Temple (from the movie Layer Cake): "You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like."
I, for one, am happy being a snoozer. What character are you?
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Don’t b*&^h out just because it’s a bad economy!
I remember talking to a friend two years ago, basically discussing the possibilities of an economic downturn in India (a phenomenon un-heard of back then) and saying that the services sector is going to get hit and our services economy is too dependent on American prosperity levels and that this surge in economic activity is soon going to be in for a rude shock. Well, I am sure you have heard such stories all over the place in your workplace, on the news, in your home. Your home budgets are stretched, inflation is hurting and all those splurges you made on that new LCD tv and other such luxuries, well, you probably should’nt have made them.
The Global Economic Crisis is very real. I was in the US recently, and even seeing beyond the media hype and constant flashes of “Breaking news” about the economy, one would be quite certain that this crisis is going to last for a while, at least in the US. They are looking at this mess lasting for atleast another 2 or 3 years, because the US is sitting on approximately $7 trillion of bad debt because of these complex mortgage backed securities. This is soon going to lead to Bad debts on retail loans like credit card debt. A lot of US companies and individuals will go bankrupt and this will lead to “The Great Indian Outsourcing Dream” being brought to its knees and looks like a bleak 2009 for the rest of the world as well.
Lets see what you and I can do to counter the effect of this crisis. How do we make sure that this “thing” does not get the best of us and somehow manage to pass over as just another bad phase? Here are my thoughts….
1) Ignorance is bliss: Try not to read too much about the economy and the global credit crisis. I am sure you will be tempted to view your TV screen when it flashes “Breaking news” because of a large point drop in the Sensex. Don’t try and get too hassled about this entire media blitz which causes more harm than anything else. Don’t try and get too deep into the reasons for this mess. Most of the issues which have led to this crisis all over the world is the result of too many variables and a set of complex linkages. Even guys like me, who possess some very respectable degrees in Finance and economics all over the world, find it hard to understand and devise solid solutions. Don’t look for someone to mollycoddle you and advise you on another speculative move. Just focus on doing your job well and make sure that you slog your a** off to keep that job. Remember, the days of easy jobs will not be an option anymore. Otherwise, remember, you most probably will only be in way deeper muck than you already are.
2) Adopt a !American outlook to life: I feel that the biggest issue with urban India is the false need to ape the US. We try and emulate everything from their retail sector to the way we spend our incomes. Yes, BPO and IT people, I am talking to you. Your credit card bills will come back to haunt you. Don’t buy that Honda City on an income of Rs.30k, the fuel is not cheap either and your salary will usually equal the EMI. Don’t go on that Europe trip because you some bank is advertising boldly, telling you to take that trip and “make your dreams a reality” with their personal loans. The Interest rates are going to eat you alive. Always remember that the Americans are in an economy, which is based on a totally different set of factors and concepts. They are highly consumption driven, free market economy which is measured in the amount of spending and ours is a mixed model economy and a country which is still very much in the early stages of growth. If you think that we are a “developed country”, I would advise very much that you look at our per-capita income, and standard of living statistics. (Per capita chart). By the wa
y, for those who didn’t understand why I put the ! before America. The !, in Software Development terms means “NOT”.
3) Don’t try and pull off Super-Speculator moves: If you invest in stocks as an investment and dabble in it from time to time, chances are that you have made some neat profits on speculative transactions and quick sales of stocks. My advice is to stop it and focus on a Long term perspective. Don’t try and pull off some cool stock market moves like you see in Wall Street (the movie, Watch the movie to keep your mind off the economy, just kidding). Don’t try and pull a fast one on the market with high-stakes transactions, you will get f***ed. The market is always smarter than you.
4) Black Money is the way to go Baby!!!: This will probably be one of the most iconoclastic of suggestions I give out. Black money is one the reasons why most of us aren’t too deep in this mess. (read this).
5) Have a roof over your head? Cool it: If you are paying off home loans, I hope you have had the good sense to consider your ability to pay them off. If you are planning to rent or renting already, stay that way. Even though you might have seen home loan rates coming down marginally, Indian economic policies are quite confusing right now. We are trying to curtail growth by raising rates and we are also trying to spruce up the economy by slashing required rates for banking liquidity. Hold on to your horses. If you are careful, you will get some sweet deals on purchase of property that you would have never gotten earlier. All good things come to those who wait.
6) Practice being happy every day: This is quite simple. Do what the senior citizens do. Join the neighbourhood laughter club. Watch a lot of funny, senseless Hindi flicks (they are enough in number, but not in the expensive multiplexes). Cultivate cheaper habits (substitute Coffee Day and Barista Coffee for local road-side chai wala). Although boozing would seem like the ideal way to get over your economic woes, remember, it would be murder on your pocket.
These are my 2 cents for you. Hopefully you can implement some of these steps and ride safely through the rough roads to economic prosperity once again and unlearn whatever you had learned from the down-turn.
May common sense be with you.
The Global Economic Crisis is very real. I was in the US recently, and even seeing beyond the media hype and constant flashes of “Breaking news” about the economy, one would be quite certain that this crisis is going to last for a while, at least in the US. They are looking at this mess lasting for atleast another 2 or 3 years, because the US is sitting on approximately $7 trillion of bad debt because of these complex mortgage backed securities. This is soon going to lead to Bad debts on retail loans like credit card debt. A lot of US companies and individuals will go bankrupt and this will lead to “The Great Indian Outsourcing Dream” being brought to its knees and looks like a bleak 2009 for the rest of the world as well.
Lets see what you and I can do to counter the effect of this crisis. How do we make sure that this “thing” does not get the best of us and somehow manage to pass over as just another bad phase? Here are my thoughts….
1) Ignorance is bliss: Try not to read too much about the economy and the global credit crisis. I am sure you will be tempted to view your TV screen when it flashes “Breaking news” because of a large point drop in the Sensex. Don’t try and get too hassled about this entire media blitz which causes more harm than anything else. Don’t try and get too deep into the reasons for this mess. Most of the issues which have led to this crisis all over the world is the result of too many variables and a set of complex linkages. Even guys like me, who possess some very respectable degrees in Finance and economics all over the world, find it hard to understand and devise solid solutions. Don’t look for someone to mollycoddle you and advise you on another speculative move. Just focus on doing your job well and make sure that you slog your a** off to keep that job. Remember, the days of easy jobs will not be an option anymore. Otherwise, remember, you most probably will only be in way deeper muck than you already are.
2) Adopt a !American outlook to life: I feel that the biggest issue with urban India is the false need to ape the US. We try and emulate everything from their retail sector to the way we spend our incomes. Yes, BPO and IT people, I am talking to you. Your credit card bills will come back to haunt you. Don’t buy that Honda City on an income of Rs.30k, the fuel is not cheap either and your salary will usually equal the EMI. Don’t go on that Europe trip because you some bank is advertising boldly, telling you to take that trip and “make your dreams a reality” with their personal loans. The Interest rates are going to eat you alive. Always remember that the Americans are in an economy, which is based on a totally different set of factors and concepts. They are highly consumption driven, free market economy which is measured in the amount of spending and ours is a mixed model economy and a country which is still very much in the early stages of growth. If you think that we are a “developed country”, I would advise very much that you look at our per-capita income, and standard of living statistics. (Per capita chart). By the wa
y, for those who didn’t understand why I put the ! before America. The !, in Software Development terms means “NOT”.3) Don’t try and pull off Super-Speculator moves: If you invest in stocks as an investment and dabble in it from time to time, chances are that you have made some neat profits on speculative transactions and quick sales of stocks. My advice is to stop it and focus on a Long term perspective. Don’t try and pull off some cool stock market moves like you see in Wall Street (the movie, Watch the movie to keep your mind off the economy, just kidding). Don’t try and pull a fast one on the market with high-stakes transactions, you will get f***ed. The market is always smarter than you.
4) Black Money is the way to go Baby!!!: This will probably be one of the most iconoclastic of suggestions I give out. Black money is one the reasons why most of us aren’t too deep in this mess. (read this).
5) Have a roof over your head? Cool it: If you are paying off home loans, I hope you have had the good sense to consider your ability to pay them off. If you are planning to rent or renting already, stay that way. Even though you might have seen home loan rates coming down marginally, Indian economic policies are quite confusing right now. We are trying to curtail growth by raising rates and we are also trying to spruce up the economy by slashing required rates for banking liquidity. Hold on to your horses. If you are careful, you will get some sweet deals on purchase of property that you would have never gotten earlier. All good things come to those who wait.
6) Practice being happy every day: This is quite simple. Do what the senior citizens do. Join the neighbourhood laughter club. Watch a lot of funny, senseless Hindi flicks (they are enough in number, but not in the expensive multiplexes). Cultivate cheaper habits (substitute Coffee Day and Barista Coffee for local road-side chai wala). Although boozing would seem like the ideal way to get over your economic woes, remember, it would be murder on your pocket.
These are my 2 cents for you. Hopefully you can implement some of these steps and ride safely through the rough roads to economic prosperity once again and unlearn whatever you had learned from the down-turn.
May common sense be with you.
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Weekend Blogger!!
Tis' been a while since I last wrote in my blog. I hate leaving it so empty and aching for material and have decided to impregnate it with my verses. These will be my thoughts on any issue. My ruminations extend to a lot of issues and I have carelessly frittered them away in some random phone conversations or some social gatherings where these views are digested and removed from the system, without much thought being given to them. This greatly saddens me, because I have much to say and the only thing that has truly made me happy is penning these thoughts in some form or the other. In school, I used to rely on pen and paper. I have a few small books with my juvenile handwriting as evidence of my love for writing during these years. In my college years and till date I had maintained a blog which had to be removed, courtesy some inflammatory statements I had made, which had been shamelessly published in a local daily (without my permission, I must add). My job and other pressures in life do not permit me to write as freely as I would like. My attitude to this hobby of mine has been marred by indolence and some rather feeble excuses with respect to "not finding time". I hate making such empty statements and that is why I have resolved to indulge in my hobby during weekends, which are in no way carefree, I might add, but atleast give me time enough to write what I want to write. Look for new posts every weekend!!!!
Friday, April 18, 2008
The Copy Pasters.
Documentation is what the world revolves around. We have documents flying left right and center. Emails shot off to all corners of the world. Proposals, Invitations, Contracts, Forms and other documents moving from one computer to the other faster than the speed of sound. These documents, so critical, so important and all pervasive. They make or break most of our lives. We live by those thin sheets of paper. Our jobs, our careers, our social lives.....OUR Lives in general revolve around documents. What if one fine day you realized that these documents contain something completely contrary to your perceptions and ideas. What if the same documents you depend on turn against you because of a COPY PASTER.
I have to deal with a lot of documents at my workplace, and I am sure many of you have to as well. Our company like many of the others out there, relies on these documents to convey a certain message to the reader. The other day, I was reviewing a document prepared by one of the "famous documenters" in my company. Let's just call him "Mr.U.N.Lettered". He was preparing a report (on something I can't disclose), which had to be delivered to our clients. As I was casually reading the report, going smoothly past page 15 (yeah, I actually have to review upto 60 pages at a time. Woe is me). I suddenly realized that there was something very wrong about this report. I read the suspicious section (it is confidential as well) again, and to my horror I realized that this report conveyed exactly the opposite of what it should essentially be conveying. I was shocked. I was also shocked to find that most of the other sections of the report had been besmirched with the same kind of garbage. To my surprise, I found a pattern in this wanton defilement of a report as serious as this one and I could clearly see that some portions of the text were worded correctly, having no apparent spelling and grammatical errors, which were nonsense nonetheless, because of the sheer force of their content. Some other portions, on the other hand, were obviously the work of a murderer. It had been so badly written. Words misspelt, paragraphs in disarray, punctuation had been thrown carelessly by the wayside. This had to be the handiwork of a Copy Paster. To confirm my suspicion, I called Mr. U.N.Lettered and asked him, rather nicely, "Where did you get the data for this report." He innocently answered "I wrote most of it, but used some from Internet and other reports". I asked him, inquiring further. It was a leading question "What was the material about, the one you found on the Internet and in the reports". He said,"Ya, it was the correct material. It had the details of xxxx (you probably know by now), thats why I put it in." I called him to my room and gave him a piece of my mind and told him to redo the document. After atleast 3 iterations, the "wiz kid" was able to get it right. A Report which should have taken 2 or 3 hours ended up taking twice that time.
Which brings me back to my original thought, about the CopyPasters. I am sure, all of you would be dealing with these people or would be one of them even. In this age of large scale documentation, made easy with Word Processors and other Computer aided tools, it is easy to copy chunks of data and include it in a document, adding value and saving oodles of time. But the way it is done is something shocking. Large chunks of data are offloaded onto documents without being read even once. Mr. U.N.Lettered had just blindly posted all that data from the Internet, because of the presence of a few key words. It is almost like the Bangalore University evaluators, who look for some key words, and regardless of the rest of the material being nothing more than a pile of dung, marks are given and undeserving candidates score over the deserving ones. Copy Pasting is a habit cultivated by most people to ensure that they complete as much work, in as little time as possible. A noble pursuit, no doubt, provided it does not come at the cost of basic quality and content.
The age of Originality is fast disappearing. Forget Originality, even sense is fast disappearing. The report submitted to me a few days later by the same perpetrator went something like this.... "Mrs Malhotra delivered the keynote address at the symposium. He was able to convince the audience about the evils of Application Vulnerabilities...." and so on. Mrs.Malhotra spoke about maintaining a positive attitude in the workplace, which was an address at a Staff meeting and not a symposium, and "she" was definitely not a "he", not from where I was standing. So, remember, the next time you are reviewing a document or even preparing one, make sure that you make a "gargantuan" effort of reading it before you actually sign off on it or send it to another person.
I have to deal with a lot of documents at my workplace, and I am sure many of you have to as well. Our company like many of the others out there, relies on these documents to convey a certain message to the reader. The other day, I was reviewing a document prepared by one of the "famous documenters" in my company. Let's just call him "Mr.U.N.Lettered". He was preparing a report (on something I can't disclose), which had to be delivered to our clients. As I was casually reading the report, going smoothly past page 15 (yeah, I actually have to review upto 60 pages at a time. Woe is me). I suddenly realized that there was something very wrong about this report. I read the suspicious section (it is confidential as well) again, and to my horror I realized that this report conveyed exactly the opposite of what it should essentially be conveying. I was shocked. I was also shocked to find that most of the other sections of the report had been besmirched with the same kind of garbage. To my surprise, I found a pattern in this wanton defilement of a report as serious as this one and I could clearly see that some portions of the text were worded correctly, having no apparent spelling and grammatical errors, which were nonsense nonetheless, because of the sheer force of their content. Some other portions, on the other hand, were obviously the work of a murderer. It had been so badly written. Words misspelt, paragraphs in disarray, punctuation had been thrown carelessly by the wayside. This had to be the handiwork of a Copy Paster. To confirm my suspicion, I called Mr. U.N.Lettered and asked him, rather nicely, "Where did you get the data for this report." He innocently answered "I wrote most of it, but used some from Internet and other reports". I asked him, inquiring further. It was a leading question "What was the material about, the one you found on the Internet and in the reports". He said,"Ya, it was the correct material. It had the details of xxxx (you probably know by now), thats why I put it in." I called him to my room and gave him a piece of my mind and told him to redo the document. After atleast 3 iterations, the "wiz kid" was able to get it right. A Report which should have taken 2 or 3 hours ended up taking twice that time.
Which brings me back to my original thought, about the CopyPasters. I am sure, all of you would be dealing with these people or would be one of them even. In this age of large scale documentation, made easy with Word Processors and other Computer aided tools, it is easy to copy chunks of data and include it in a document, adding value and saving oodles of time. But the way it is done is something shocking. Large chunks of data are offloaded onto documents without being read even once. Mr. U.N.Lettered had just blindly posted all that data from the Internet, because of the presence of a few key words. It is almost like the Bangalore University evaluators, who look for some key words, and regardless of the rest of the material being nothing more than a pile of dung, marks are given and undeserving candidates score over the deserving ones. Copy Pasting is a habit cultivated by most people to ensure that they complete as much work, in as little time as possible. A noble pursuit, no doubt, provided it does not come at the cost of basic quality and content.
The age of Originality is fast disappearing. Forget Originality, even sense is fast disappearing. The report submitted to me a few days later by the same perpetrator went something like this.... "Mrs Malhotra delivered the keynote address at the symposium. He was able to convince the audience about the evils of Application Vulnerabilities...." and so on. Mrs.Malhotra spoke about maintaining a positive attitude in the workplace, which was an address at a Staff meeting and not a symposium, and "she" was definitely not a "he", not from where I was standing. So, remember, the next time you are reviewing a document or even preparing one, make sure that you make a "gargantuan" effort of reading it before you actually sign off on it or send it to another person.
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