This post is specifically for those who are on the brink of overthrowing the premier/royal of a nation/state and taking over as the 'Dictator-At-Large' of said nation/state. But, I realize that the number of such people all over the world are limited, so I am also inclusive enough to state that this post is for people who are just interested in understanding the subtle nuances on being a successful dictator of a nation in the 21st century.
Drama unfolds in the Middle East as I pen these words. The region is perhaps undergoing its most volatile time in recent years. First it was Tunisia, where protests were sparked off against the incumbent government. Then it was Egypt, where things really took a serious turn for the worse for the Mubarak government and he had to flee the country before he could finish buying that vintage gramaphone player on ebay. Today's latest news is that riots have broken out in Bahrain, Yemen and even Libya (and not just over Gaddafi's weird costume choices) and the autocratic regimes or monarchies of these nations are under serious fire. This is very depressing time for a person who wants to take over as a dictator of a nation. He/She would think many times after seeing the failures of their idols (the dictators and monarchs) as they are on shaky ground against determined protestors and 'pro-democracy' oppositions galvanized through Facebook and Twitter. Fret not, I have come up with some tips to guard the interests of these budding dictators in a world which is clearly unjust. Here they are:
Internet Blackout: The Internet is the most disastrous thing for a successful dictatorship. The widespread use of the Information Superhighway is clearly the catalyst behind the rampant and irresponsible actions of these protestors who are intent on unleashing newfangled concepts such as 'Democracy' and 'Political Bargaining'. The first thing you should do as a dictator is to disband the concept of Internet in your country. The worst thing that a bad government can do is to reform itself and care for the people. Expose them to nothing. That way their heads will not be filled with garbage like 'Freedom', 'Elections' and other politically taboo terms. The biggest problem with the Mubarak government in Egypt was that it tried to reform itself by introducing Economic and Communication reform, providing broadband internet access to its people, and worse, providing access to sites like Facebook and Twitter. This can be suicidal to new-age Dictators. Not only can your people send friend requests to beautiful girls in foreign nations, but apparently they can also gather guys for a mass protest in your capital city. North Korea is the most successful example of this implementation. They do not have a broadband network. There is only a single Internet cafe in Pyongyang and Internet access in some upmarket hotels. This is supplemented by the fact that all North Korean Government websites are hosted outside North Korea. In fact the Korean Government even has official Facebook, Twitter and Youtube IDs where they post Anti-US and Anti-South Korean content. Ofcourse, the dictator needn't deprive himself /herself of the Internet. Kim Jong Il is said to love surfing the net and has a private link that he accesses via China. In fact, ensuring that computer illiteracy is rampant is the best way to restrict Internet Access. Be sure to appoint Mulayam Singh Yadav as your Information Technology Minister.
Stay away from the US: An important aspect of being a successful dictator is to stay as far away as possible from the United States of America. Not just that, make sure that your people dont even know what America is. The Hallmark of a successful dictator is to appear and act completely against the political skullduggery of the US. They are seen as the 'land of sugar and honey' and people think of being like them when they see anything belonging to the US. Record shows that any successful dictator, Castro, Kim Jong Il have all been fundamentally opposed to the US government at all times. Friendly links with the US results in a openmindedness to the government, which leads to this unnecessary need for reform. Thereby leading to freedom of thought. In fact, censorship on everything is an absolute must. TV broadcasts, Mobile phones and Internet should be banned or at the very least censored extensively. Believe me, 'American Idol' might just come to bite you in your autocratic rear
Random acts of Kindness: Being a citizen of a successful dictatorship is like being afflicted with Stockholm Syndrome. When a kidnapper kidnaps the victim, inflicts acts of violence and torture, inducing trauma and after a point, the very kidnapper performs random acts of kindness on the victim, the victim starts to develop positive feelings towards the kidnapper and is easier to control/manipulate. This habit should be cultivated by the modern dictator. Violence, Torture and Censorship should all have their space in the sun in your regime. But you should not reach a point where you tire your people with atrocities. Initiatives like lower cost of healthcare and better road transport systems would make sure that your image is rosy in the eyes of your delusional nation. Hey, Fidel Castro has done it. You should be able to do it too!
With these tips, I hope you will be able to forge a strong a economically rewarding dictatorship. May the force be with you!
